me: why am i so fat
me: eats 17 pizzas
me: eats 42 buckets of icecream
me: eats entire family
The “more smarter” episode of Regular Show is about my life. like. no joke man.
pillory: there’s no better feeling than laying next to the person you love and they don’t know you love them or that you’re in their house again
iguanamouth: i read that as lions remember who you are
me: sometimes i talk to myself
me: omg same
timecannotberewritten: dovahqueene: iwishlilbwasmygrandpa: There are thousands of half-babies in my ballsack and that’s terrifying at least you don’t bleed them out every month you make a compelling argument
lagggin: If I’m a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you its either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you Or I really hate you and don’t care if you know it Good luck figuring out which one
imightnnydtheblankie: so my sister stayed in a hotel in new orleans and there was this cable hanging from a ceiling tile so her husband pulled on it and aLL THESE FUCKING DILDOS FELL OUT
TO: YOU, I hope you understand..
You’re not my friend, if you were you would’ve been there for me every time i needed you like i was ALWAYS fucking there for you, and I was always honest with you. maybe that was where i went wrong, maybe I should’ve lied to you, told you that he was a good guy deep down, lied to you and told you that you’re not being stupid. but that’s not what real friends do. and I...